Laughter

Hello all.

I know I've been MIA for a few weeks, but please bear with me!  I promise that I'll be posting here regularly again soon.  Maybe even starting now.

To tide you over, here are some amazing memes I've stumbled across recently that ma

ke me smile.

Leila's Traumatic Outfit

I dress up my dog.

There-I said it.  I'm one of those people.  But I think she likes it.  Every time I pull out a new outfit, she runs to me all shaky-excited and waits for me to slip it on over her head.

Recently, she was wearing her jack-o-lantern outfit because it's that season and she laid down on her favorite run in the front of the living room door.  Suddenly, as I'm reading my book, I hear a terrified bark and look up to see Leila frantically running around the living room with the rug stuck to her.  She's dragging it but she was fairly certain it was chasing her.

As it turns out, the exposed velcro underneath had stuck to the rug and pulled it up with her when she tried to move.

Now she won't wear that sweater.

Trauma

How I Accidentally Solicited a Booty Call

I'm pretty sure that I'm completely clueless about giving off "signals" to the opposite sex.

Here's the story: 

My handyman is named Skeet.  I promise.  His name is Skeet.  I don't know why, I don't question it, I just call him Skeet.  (Side note: try explaining to a man you're semi-seeing why you have a man named Skeet programmed into your phone...not fun)

Skeet and I have a somewhat hairy past.  He got the wrong idea, I'm guessing, when he was recently re-doing my bathroom shower.  My bathroom is in my bedroom and at the time, I was sleeping during the days he was there.  It really wasn't a choice, I had to work those nights and 13 hour shifts as a nurse are not to be ignored.  As hard as I tried to throw on regular clothes while he was there, he did see me in various nighties and in various states of "sleepiness" while he was there.  He was very friendly and offered to rub my tired shoulders, feet, and he even gave me his personal cell number so I could reach him for emergencies.  (Just so you know, I didn't let him rub anything, but I did consider it).  

Recently it has gotten cold here.  Hard freeze cold.  Shiver cold.  Down comforter on the bed cold.  But I can't for the life of me light my pilot light in my heater.  It's impossible.  I have a college degree and the arsenal of google at my disposal and I still can't figure it out.  

So...I texted Skeet.  I basically asked if he could check my pilot light.  I guess that sounded seductive, because within ten minutes he was there, with NO tools in hand, looking wide-eyed and anticipatory. I figured he wanted to see it first, so I said, "Oh, it's in the bedroom."  Which ...IT IS!  The pilot light is TRULY in my bedroom.  We got there and I knelt down to open up the pilot light door and looked up at him expectantly.  His face, guys.  It was so surprised and confused and that made me surprised and confused and he just said, "Oh!  You really have a pilot light!  I thought you were wanting something else!" and he all but ran out the door.  

I've never been more mortified.  

Do yall like how I tried to reassure him with not one...but THREE text messages?  Ugh.  

PS: Did I mention he was wearing a shirt that said, "free mustache rides?"