Tuesday, June 4, 2013

My Fake Man Voice

Today I sold a couch on craigslist.  Actually, I gave away a loveseat for free via craigslist.  I'm in the process of moving and I recently bought a beautiful, new full sized red microfiber couch that I had delivered to my new cottage home.  The big, bulky green loveseat was still at my old apartment, but I didn't have any room for it so I advertised for it on craigslist.  Wow.  People love free stuff, let me tell you.  An hour in I had seven texts from people wanting my tufted little charmer, despite about a billion broken springs and a suspicious stain on one of the cushions.  I picked the first lady that called me and set up a time for her to come pick it up and haul it away with her husband.

Fast forward to this morning, when I was set to meet her and her husband at 8:30, alone, by myself, solo.  I didn't think anything of it until my friend reminded me of the craigslist killer and how vulnerable I would be there. I wrote my name and social security number on my stomach in sharpie in case they were going to get shady.  But it still wasn't enough.  So, I did what any rational girl would do: turned on the shower and pretended my big hulking man was there.  At one point I even slipped into the back bathroom as they were unscrewing the couch feet and yelled out in my deepest possible man voice, "Babe, where's my razor?!"  Clearly I was not a person that they could easily murder.

Creepy?  Maybe...Dramatic?  A smidge. But it worked.  They left quickly and I got my loveseat hauled away to what will hopefully be a happy new home.

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